6 ways to respond to your negative thoughts

By Vivian Nunez

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It's not just about positive self-talk.

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We all struggle with negative self-talk. Some thoughts may surface when you’re trying something new for the first time or after you’ve made a mistake. You may encounter negative thoughts when a new situation reminds you of an old traumatic experience. Noticing and holding negative thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person. In many ways, the ability to notice what thoughts pop up is a superpower that allows you to find healthy ways to challenge, cope, shift, or turn to others for support.

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Introducing more neutral or positive thoughts may even help you through the current moment. So, while we can’t always control our triggers or how negative our knee-jerk first thoughts may be, we can practice how to reframe them gently.

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Here are six ways to respond to negative self-talk when they do pop up.

When you think: “I am never going to stop being triggered by that one thing.”

Repeat: “I am working diligently to reframe my responses to triggers.”

Managing your mental health triggers isn’t about achieving absolute neutrality. You are successful with every step you take in the direction of peace and calm, even if they feel like baby steps, and include some steps backward.

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When you think: “I am not good enough.”

Repeat: “I am trying my best, and being kind to myself helps me with my process.”

Everyone measures themselves differently; “good enough” for one person may look like “excellent” for someone else. Since being “good enough” is subjective, it’s helpful to treat it as such and remind yourself that you are good enough as long as you meet your own standards.

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When you think: “I have nowhere to turn for support.”

Repeat: “I’m feeling alone in this moment, but there are spaces, places, and people available to support me.”

An external support system can be a family, a single friend, a mental health organization, or a therapist, just to name a few. You may not be able to choose who your immediate support system is, but choosing to expand the definition of “support system” may help you find somewhere or someone that fits the bill. Like, adding yourself to that list! Don’t discount how supported you may feel if you tell yourself, “I’m trying my best.”

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When you think: “I have caused all of my trauma or pain.”

Repeat: “I never deserved what happened to me.”

Often, we are left to unpack situations or experiences that we had no control over in the first place. While it can feel natural to blame oneself for the trauma you now have to work through, it isn’t fair to who you are now or who you were then. Try to make “I never deserved what happened to me” a mantra you repeat often.

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When you think: “I am a sad, angry, [insert feeling here] person.”

Repeat: “I feel sadness, anger, [insert feeling here] because I am human.”

We are not our feelings. We hold them and acknowledge them. We are not sad people simply because we experience sadness. The same goes for other feelings that are branded as “negative,” like anger, frustration, or impatience.

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When you think: “I won’t be this happy tomorrow.”

Repeat: “I can’t predict the future. I can simply take life day by day.”

There are no rules that say you can’t have two good days in a row. The only truth about life on any given day is that we typically don’t know everything that will happen tomorrow or how we will respond. All we can do is trust ourselves to react the best we can as the day unfolds.

Learning how to manage negative self-talk, especially as it pertains to trauma, is a daily learning experience and takes time. Not every day is perfect, and some days are easier than others. Try to be as gentle with yourself as possible as you learn how to stop negative thoughts. Plus, remember, no one has perfectly positive thoughts all the time; we are all human.

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Calm Health is not intended to diagnose or treat depression, anxiety, or any other mental or physical health condition. The use of Calm Health is not a substitute for care by a physician or other health care provider. Any questions that you may have regarding the diagnosis, care, or treatment of a health condition should be directed to your physician or health care provider. Calm Health is a mental wellness product.