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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Being gentle with yourself is woven through them all.
By Vivian Nunez
The time following a miscarriage is not the time to listen to your inner critic. There may be unhelpful thoughts running through your mind, telling you that you shouldn’t feel a specific way or that you’re sticking to one feeling for too long — it’s okay to kick those voices to the curb. They aren’t speaking your truth, because only you get to decide how you navigate your experience, what miscarriage self-care works best for you, and what thoughts (or timelines) you want to subscribe to.
In our Calm Health Supportive Tools for Coping with Miscarriage Module, we dive into the particulars of how to cope with some of the bigger feelings that may come up during your miscarriage. Below, we’re outlining a few gentle daily reminders you can keep in your back pocket as you navigate through your grief after miscarriage.
First and foremost, remind yourself that you are not the only one navigating through a miscarriage. Studies show that 20% of early pregnancies end in miscarriage.
There aren’t any prescribed timetables for the grieving process. Remind yourself that you’re allowed to set your own pace. If anything ever feels too overwhelming, those are important red flags to notice and potentially seek external support.
In the same way that there’s no timetable for your grief, there is also no guidebook. You are discovering what helps you and what doesn’t simply by gathering information day by day. Be patient with yourself as you learn.
A miscarriage is an early pregnancy that ends anytime from conception to about 20 weeks. No matter when you experienced your pregnancy loss, remember that the length of your pregnancy does not determine the depth of your grief.
Whether you chose to keep your pregnancy private until you hit a special milestone — like a three-month mark — or you told everyone as soon as you found out, you’re allowed to seek miscarriage support. Reach out to your closest friends and loved ones with a text or call, asking for the support you need.
Grief can encapsulate a host of feelings and a range of experiences, from crying one day to kickboxing to release anger the next. Everyone grieves differently, and most importantly, your miscarriage grief can look different from one day to the next. Practice being gentle and curious about your thoughts and feelings.
Guilt may bubble to the surface following your miscarriage, but turn this reminder into your mantra: You did nothing wrong, you couldn't have prevented it, and nothing you did caused it.
It can be difficult to practice self-care after a traumatic experience, so take your time in figuring out what works for you. But remember, small acts of kindness towards yourself can help fill your cup while reminding you that healing takes dedicated time and care.
In the same way that you’re allowed to feel sad after a miscarriage, you are also allowed to feel hope and joy for everyday glimmers or even for what the future may hold for you. Feeling joy doesn’t negate your grief; they can, and often do coexist.
There are no goal markers to hit after you’ve experienced a miscarriage. These gentle reminders are meant to encourage and ground you as you navigate your path. For more nuanced guidance, turn to Supportive Tools for Coping with Miscarriage module.
Calm Health is not intended to diagnose or treat depression, anxiety, or any other mental or physical health condition. The use of Calm Health is not a substitute for care by a physician or other health care provider. Any questions that you may have regarding the diagnosis, care, or treatment of a health condition should be directed to your physician or health care provider. Calm Health is a mental wellness product.
We’ve made it easy to take the first step. Just download the Calm Health app, create your account, and answer a few simple questions to help us understand how you’re feeling. You’ll get instant recommendations for the Calm Health programs that will be the most helpful for you.
Our programs are created by licensed psychologists, and you can explore them at your own pace, in any order you like.
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